Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Vicious Circle

Small world. I never liked that ride at Disneyland. The song especially song by all those creepy dolls. Augh. I think back to that ride, three-year-old me screaming in the darkness as all those eyes sang out "it's a small world after all...". I was terrified of the dark at the time, perhaps foreshadowing this current chapter in my life.

In my recent exploits, I found out some interesting news about my past love life intermingling with my dwindling current one. The past months I've had my eye on this attractive and yet mysterious man whom has avoided my gaze until two months ago. He and I shared a laugh over beers in the local watering hole about some regulars, whom are  avid if not fanatic fans of the cable series Game Of Thrones. These guys have a sort of "book club" every week to discuss every scene and line, and Mystery Man seemed to chuckle a load under his breath listening to the talk.

After the first meeting, I realised he had his eyes on me for a while as he stated quite frankly, and asked me out on a date. He proceeded to lose my number and I racked it up to stupid men reasoning. After a few weeks, seeing him a few times over beers and a few shots of Jameson's, which he insisted I have, he told me he wondered why I was single and should loosen up. I retorted that I have had some crappy experiences with men and I have some walls. He responded with "No Kidding". 

In the next week I got a weird text from an unknown number, and after many texts back and forth, I still didn't know whom it was. So I blocked him, not knowing exactly the author. The next few nights later I asked MM and he said it was him but for some reason I didn't believe him. We exchanged numbers and he proceeded to ask me out on a proper date. He said he would text me when and where soon. A week later we went for dinner at a local pizza joint over one drink only, good small talk and conversation. After he invited me over to his place, which ended up our one of two sessions, in total, in bed. Over the month in between each tryst, we saw each other and did not quite get along but I always faltered and let him back into my circle. I had a gut feeling this was weird.

I must return to the main point of this story - Small World - in which I am in the middle of that silly ride. A few days ago, I was in my watering hole with a friend of mine from my past job, and this woman came in and joined us, sitting on the opposite side of me. She has entered my circle through a friend, whom I believe she has eyes on and I don't. She told me she had seen us together walking down the street, which I was confused at first as I hate that Big Brother feeling of being watched. I assured her there was no love affair going on and she continued to tell me that he liked me. Augh! I went back to my conversation with my workmate and in walked my ex of seven years, a strange sight as he rarely came in to this bar. I smiled and he sat next to Chatty Cathy and proceeded to seem heavily interested in her. Then I glanced over and CC was kissing him! She then turned to me and said "I didn't know you knew him". I nodded and felt a little sick inside. Was she doing this to spite me over the mutual friend she liked? On went the night, as I dreaded looking over my left shoulder to whatever was going on, while also fearing MM would come in, as I was done with this screwed up being that entered and exited my life too often. I continued my talk with my workmate when I glanced up to see a drunk MM sitting across from me smiling his shit eating sexy grin. I just didn't deserve this. The night continued, my workmate left, and I was defenceless, so I moved to the other side of the bar to a table to safety. My ex left with CC. And I went upstairs to avoid the glaring eyes of MM.

Where does this Small World come into play? Well, the next night I saw CC and we talked about my ex, which proceeded to explain their relationship, a friendship of him and two other guys I knew, her "Three Musketeers", they were all just friends. I thought "right" in actual fact I don't really care. We started talking about MM and she said that he has a girlfriend!!!! What?!!!! And I said we'll he's cheating on her with AT LEAST me! She then told me my ex is in love with his girlfriend and hates MM, and the feeling is mutual between them. This has started to fester now in my brain and I hear the familiar song - the singing dolls have surrounded me. I was a pawn in this whole soap opera of freaking grown adults, and not of my choice! I am simply a bystander, hit by bullets from this freaking pissing match about me! OMG! I have no idea what I have done in this life, or better yet in my previous life, but I can't deserve this. On top of trying to pull my bootstraps up and find a new job, I have this dramedy in which I am the guest star and centre storyline?

It's A Small World After All.....augh.