Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The Sabbatical: Day One

To change one's life, a drastic event must occur, similar to a slap in the face. Let's say my pride has been slapped. In return, feeling sorry for myself, I looked back at when I felt more in control of my life. I quit drinking in February this year and lasted 2 months. I wasn't craving drinking the whole time. I did feel lonely, but that is because I meet all my friends at the bar, centered around alcohol. Regardless of the loneliness, I found that losing that expensive routine filled my wallet, filled my fridge and filled my focus.

Now, with a few recent set backs, I feel it's time to grab the bull by the horns. The first incident was meeting someone new whom eventually made me feel pretty crappy. His pain and guilt from his own issues were aimed at me. I simply lent and ear and gave him some minor advice, listening to his plight, like nursing a stray back to health. Unfortunately, the stray lashed out biting the hand that fed it. I have a natural attraction to men with issues, hoping that I can help in any way. This stray caught me by surprise, incapable of reading him, I decided today he needs to deal with his issues alone. I cannot help in any way, creating more pain on my end if I get involved.

The other wake up call was my workmates grouping together to oust me from my regular work schedule. Although the owners made it look as though they were making my life easier, I perceive it as a last call. Getting weekends off is great but not when I feel I should be needed durin the busiest times. Sure, I need time to be more creative at work and spending 50 hours a week cooking leaves me no time to create. I just feel I have been kicked out.

This is day one of this new life choice and I am uneasy. My feelings are all over the place. Tomorrow will be better.

Jen McIntyre | Create your badge

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