Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Is Hank Moody Goin Down This Season On 'Californication'?

The whole premise of the show is around Hank and his inability to accept the consequences of his actions. We love him because he is this person we wanna be at times - irresponsible. But this time the arrow hit hard and deep. Will Carrie's harsh but psychotically passionate words roll off Hank's exterior, as he just shrugs off the pain like drops of rain. That raincoat named Karen and Becca doesn't seem to be so waterproof anymore.

Hank seems to influence everyone in his inner circle. Charlie is his best friend, and when we were first introduced to him, he was an anchor for Hank, getting him out of jams and smoothing over the rough patches. As we all know, bad behavior is learned through attention, whether it be bad or good. Charlie's little happy marriage with Marcy started failing because if the attention Charlie got from hanging out and acting like Hank. It never seems to be either of their fault when the plot turns down a bad path, with the excuse of 'it just happened' or 'I don't understand women'. The inner circle Hank relies on to ground himself, has broken up and isn't as strong as it was, obviously of his own doing. His safety net is full of holes and he may be down a similar road to his demise. He may not be saved from drowning this time.

Jen McIntyre | Create your badge


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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Where Is My Hank Moody?

I'm not looking. I always say, looking, expecting, pushing the issue, will come to nothing in the alien land of love. I have had a recent overdose of one man, albeit a fictional character, but he has managed to pinpoint certain past and present experiences in my life. I have stayed consistent in my love affairs, always a most obvious flaw in the material that makes each man an attraction to no end. Always the damaged material to keep me sufficiently entertained. The fictional character is Hank Moody of Californication craze, the role immortalized by David Duchovny, a flawed character himself. It has been questionable whether he is even acting, reports of his sexual addiction broadcasted on every page of the Internet and garbage celebrity tabloid. 

I recently watched every episode, 50 episodes in less that a week, encompassing myself within the glitz, glamor, and insanity of a world so opposite than my own. The warm feeling of entering the world of this character was pure escapism, but at the same time I see the immediate comparisons to my life, or at least my choices in the opposite sex. Hank Moody, the attractive tornado of drama moving randomly through women's lives, considers himself a feather in the wind, never accepting total responsibility for his actions. Whether he's having a one night stand with a teen or bedding women that fall into his path immediately, his character is definitely flawed. He continues to make bad decisions, although often under the influence of anything to numb the hole in his heart left by his true love, and mother of his daughter. The general respect he has for each woman he sleeps with is admirable, an uncontrollable love for "the woman" in total, every intricate aspect of each character. He is conscious of his affect on them although incapable of turning a blind eye to the attention, obviously initially filled by his soul mate. 

In comparison to my life, I see Hank in every man I have dated, bedded and known as a friend. My attraction to this type of character is not to heal him of his woes, or to tame him of his free spirit. Men are basic in my eyes, the ones more in control are harder to get to know truly, as they are as protected and controlled as I am. My last long term relationship was that perfect example, where it ended in confusion, as I questioned anything that happened for three years. Currently I feel as though Hank is actually part of my life, yet as infrequent as watching an episode monthly. He is like a tide, and although I originally confronted him in an inebriated state requesting his services, popping in and out of my life just enough to remind me he is around. 

The other night I expected some cameras and lights to appear as I was sure I was transported into a scene from Californication, all the characters from my life instead. A woman, whom has shared some intimate nights with this flawed man, approached me, questioning our relationship, her flawed mind sufficiently numbed by her own vices. I remember before arranging any intimate plans, his quick story of his tryst with her, and I being immediately disappointed. She and I are complete opposites, from my eyes, and I have known her as, being delicate, more open than me. Her dramatics like a halo surrounding her, enveloping anyone near her. I have always enjoyed both roads, high and low, and began with initial jealousy, Facebook information boring into my brain. Deleting that information, and sealing the deal with Mr. Flaw gave me a step up and I felt empowered, but not for long. I have had her in the dark corner of my mind until the other night. 

Like a flurry of tension, agitation and nervousness, possibly misconstrued as a concoction of her numbing-of-choice this evening, she began a conversation with me, regarding her work and such, the stress obviously spilling out threw her lips, as she spoke without breathing. The inevitable topic came up, and the bartender, bending his ear, backed away giving me a quick look of horror. It was as if she needed to get the information off her chest, her obvious jealousy and curiosity. I was in a scene from my favourite show! Do I take the high road or the low? I am always conscious of her random actions and reactions, and had to make a choice immediately. High road it was, as she began to spew out her thoughts on him and how she knew we were both utilizing him simultaneously, at least for awhile. She touted his expertise and attention to detail in the bed, as I slowly numbed a bit myself, and I listened intently, knowing I could be cut down like a huge cedar in seconds with one or two ill chosen words. Interrupting her oral diarrhea, I simply stated that my encounters were mediocre of the "many" times we have been together, pointing out his often misfortune of drinking too much, where his performance was hindered. She asked me how old I was, and I wondered why the question, considering it didn't seem to matter. I told her my ripe age of 43 and she not only fell off here chair (in her mind), but also saw the different connection he and I have, more in the realm of friends. I was on edge waiting for her to take the stab but she ended up complimenting me, astonished at my cool demeanor, confidence and ownership of my age, she being young enough to possibly be my daughter (if I had a child at 18). She immediately dwindled and fumbled through her conversation, my assumption being defeat in her pickled brain. I didn't feel like I won or lost but rather, I stood up to confrontation with poise and confidence.

feelings of jealousy and ownership are gone and I feel more in control than before, in more ways than one. Hank - expect a call soon...

Jen McIntyre | Create your badge

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Monday, January 16, 2012

Let It Snow

Winter has finally arrived in Van-city, chilling the tip of each nose, filling the air with mist with every breath. The past few days have threatened the hint of snow, and everyone is in preparation, bundled up in their parkas and fur lined hoods, scarves billowing out around their heads.  I have even put a pair of toe warmers in my shoes to keep my toes from freezing. The news cast was speaking of "snow-mageddon", possibly to create possible havoc amongst its viewers.

I woke up this morning, surprised to see a thin shimmering sheet of snow everywhere. I wasn't expecting the snow, missing the forecast, and simply trusting the various internet weather sites, all predicting differing weather patterns. My first glimpse of the gleaming bed outside gave me a warmth inside that I used to get when I was a child. Being Vancouverites, we seldom see snow, and whenever it appears, the city changes immediately. Of course the appearance of Vancouver becomes magical, being used to our "Wet Coast", and the gray is lifted along with our doldrums. I am not part of the commuter world, but I remember the days of traveling in the snow from East Van to downtown. Stress levels would hit the Red Zone, frustrating drivers and transit riders. I walk to work and I only struggle to cross one busy street, a tough life it is.

Although there is only a centimeter of snow in parts of the West End, the outskirts of the lower mainland were hit harder. The eastern provinces laugh annually at us, announcing "snow days" for schools in the suburbs, wondering how we could ever hold the Winter Olympics. Now, with the snow stopping for most of the day, and the threat of more in the future, the city is being covered in a layer of salt to protect the inexperienced drivers. 

With this weather comes the slowest times of the year at my work. Today is  recorded as the most depressing day of the year, when everyone gets their statements from Christmas and New Years, when the wallets close and everyone hermits into their cave. As sports fans, the NHL All Star Break begins soon and the NFL is dwindling down to the Superbowl. Whether or not snow has a psychological affect on people, is questionable, as I have met both cherry and grumpy people on my recent travels. It all depends on what state everyone is in I guess. Regardless, it makes me glow inside. Too bad I just can't get my legs to warm up. I should find someone for that. Let it snow, snow, let it snow, let it snow. 
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Thursday, January 5, 2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

Welcome 2012!
The new year had begun and, although it seems like just another day to me, there is always a desire to change. Yes, I know, it is so unlike me to be a 'sheeple', following the crowds, copying the trends and waves of fads. I never make resolutions because it is a direct line to failure, but I have a desire to change it up a bit. I have to admit, I am becoming more and more bitter in my slowly diminishing life and look at the people around me, wondering if I will be that old bitty bitching about the price of bananas, telling the same old stories over and over again to the same old faces - their attention span gone in seconds, as the story begins, their focus drifting to another shiny item to entertain the droning sound from my lips. This how I am some days with the folks around me in my place of relaxation. I swear I don't want to be that.

I do have to open myself up and enjoy some affection. I have had quite a few years of bad man choices in my life. I can't say its been all bad. A 5 year relationship, 7 year relationship, 3 year relationship - all good memories. Unfortunately, the human being has been accustomed to block bad recollections. The funny thing is I do remember the unfortunate slips too. Hopefully, if I open up enough, I can let someone in my heart again. Being alone is becoming a new fear of mine. I am very comfortable alone but becoming the equivalent to Eleanor Rigby of Beatles fame is scary.

My current situation is enjoyable but not frequent enough to satisfy my desires. The question is whether I want to continue the situation while attempting to find more. I have never been very good at juggling, and don't intend on it in the future. I do want to continue the nonchalant situation I have, late texts, surprise visits, and leaking bits of information out to alter my angelic untouchable appearance. I like it, I like the secrecy and the different attention. 

I recently met an older gentleman who was visiting from Northern BC. He was a regular at the local pub and became fast friends with the regulars. He had a happy-go-lucky attitude and seemed to be quite neutral in his discussions with everyone. He took a liking to me in a friendly way and I figured it would be harmless, in his brief visit, for him to know a little about me. I gave him some  history, all be it short, of my life, love-life included, and he seemed to have some good advice. His observance of the people, their reaction towards me, and especially the men, made me laugh. He said I have this control of the men around me and they are hypnotized by me. I found this hilarious and completely false. I am not a tease and do not create attention around me, unlike others I know. 

The most humorous event with this stranger was the sudden change, as if he was now being pulled in by a tractor field by the Death Star (me). He became so irritating to me, his continuous hovering and watching, I had to push him away, similar to other 'stalker-types' in the bar. I felt robbed of my personal information and that he, like other men, had an ulterior motive. This is again quite bothersome to me. I like my space as everyone knows. When I open a door, I don't need the person on the other side to barrel through like a break in a dam. With me it's baby steps.

So, this guy of the least amount of frequency, has leaked through the cracks. He comes and goes like the ebb and flow of the tides, but that is a constancy on which I can depend. I just need to remember to ask. I have always had a hard time asking for anything. I guess it might be from being the youngest child, a girl on top of that, and wanting to prove that I can do it without help. Asking is a sign of weakness. This guy has always said, "just ask, and I'll be there". I did ask for help in moving a mattress to my friend's house, and that was easy and effortless. That doesn't involve any emotional attachment though, while, what he was saying, is a bit harder the wrap my 'Happy Days" brain around. Regardless, he has asked almost everytime, leaving me looking like a scared little puppy. Our last tryst was great but that followed up with New Year's parties, preparations and work, topped with my favourite monthly visit (a blessing in disguise). This unfortunately, broke the path I was building, but I keep in contact regularly, attempting not be overly needy.

I have decided, in this new year, to be more assertive and ASK. My new mantra is 'Ask More, Wait Less'. This is more universal than it seems. We'll see how long it lasts. Oh right, and I must learn to juggle.


Jen McIntyre | Create your badge




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Betting on the horses is like gambling in online casinos. When you look for online craps
the Internet should be a good way to start. Give me a brick and mortar casino for my gambling anytime. site counter