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Showing posts from 2012

Welcome To The Real World...No Such Thing

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Looking around at the many people I know within the many rooms of my house called Life, I wonder which people entered this house with a personal invitation, compared to people whom entered with a false ID. No bouncer at the front door, I'm sure, as I wander from room to room, I should re-evaluate the entrance policy of my house. Do I really know these guests, drifting through my rooms, looking at my stuff? Are these rooms filled simply to fill them? Are these people interested in me or are they there just to take from me or use me?

I have seen many an awkward moment with this circle of people I include in my life. Many times I have stood up for them, backing up one person's story against another. I have spoken out when someone needed help. I have supported people in emotional need. I have celebrated in times of happiness, and cried in times of sadness. I felt I was an important part of this circle, contributing with the rest. This, in most descriptions, would be defined as frie…

Doors Closing Hopefully Lead To Other Doors Opening

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It's the Christmas season and I just put up my tree. Sometimes I think, why the Hell am I doing this? I never have anyone over to my cave. Sure it's pretty but all the decorations remind me of previous parts of my life, especially ex-boyfriends. I still hang them on the boughs of my fake tree, perhaps an acceptance of every twist and turn of my life. It's sad from a certain angle, that I am alone at my age, but I know it's my choice. I have noticed that I am attracting the opposite sex and I enjoy the attention. For some reason, these men that are buzzing around are not capable of asking me out. Sure, I could do them the honours, but I still want to be courted, like every gal. 
I was sad to hear that one of my suitors will not be around as much, for good reasons, as he purchased a new home, on the east side of town. Moving out of the West End will limit his visits of course, and also, lower the chance of him actually getting enough courage to ask me out. He is kind of a…

Another Friday Night

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It's funny how Friday night can pop up on you, not in the calendar kinda way, but in the excitement of the whole world sayin' "hey it's Friday, let's have fun!" I am of that bunch, trying to have the fun we all are told to have. Society says on Friday we can relax, go out and let loose. Well, I was ready for that but of course, working the next day, throbbing in the back of my mind, and still yet at noon, has become a bit of a damper.

The night has been like every "amateur drinking holiday", like Halloween, New Years Eve, etc. To me Friday night is just another night, where it starts off strong and dwindles to a quiet roar. If you have a second wind you can ride the tide with the late comers, but this is like sex with a guy with erectile disfunction... You never can depend on a good time.

So I arrive, ready for some fun and, yes, it started out great, fun people, fun times. Now, the lull resting in the decision to stay has brought me into the onion…

Autumn Doldrums

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Where did the daylight go? The sun is setting earlier every day and it is making me a bit sluggish. All I want to do is sleep and eat. I understand the natural winter preparation all animals do as the weather gets colder and there is less sunlight. I have managed to gain 10lbs without even noticing. I know why the weight has piled on, and every excuse under the sun (or rather, clouds) will not make me thinner.


I am obviously and unknowingly fattening up for the winter, fully ready for hibernation. In actual fact, my days off have been something similar of the sort, staying indoors, warm and dry, avoiding the fresh air, inevitably paired with cloud bursts and continuous downpours. Looking outside at the dreary weather would make anyone pull the covers back over their head. I was so used to my 2 hour walks around the seawall, enjoying the different wildlife and foliage in Stanley Park. This lack of sunlight and drab weather has chased me indoors, away from my usual routine. My jeans ar…

Sunday Sunday

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Well, another brunch eaten but at my work, with another friend. It was nice. We talked about my past issues with the last guy of question in my life. I, again, ended with conclusion that I was not in the wrong again. Talking about it helps. Nothing really was drastically wrong accept my pride being beaten down. I am a bad judge of character I guess. I think I need help picking guys now, lol.

After I had a small walk, watched a
movie at home and was pulled off my couch by some planes flying in formation around Coal Harbour. I missed the Abbotsford Airshow this year and this was like a little snippet of what I missed. 3 Cessnas and 1 Harvard. Grabbed my camera and took some shots.
Now a few beers and some blues.

Saturday Off: WTF?

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Well, it's my first Saturday off in what seems like a century. So, of course, I wake up at 7am. Not a surprise considering I've woken up at 6:30am or earlier forever on the weekends. I have a plans today but I still needed to pop in to see if the troops are 'killing it'. Now I'm off to breakie with a chum to see another chum at his new job. Then I'll shop around for some special bowls and a new mandolin for work.

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Well I accomplished my goals today with ease, finding the bowls for our new brunch menu at work, a new mandolin at work, and added bonus avocado slicer and a new duvet set (on sale), after going for brunch. It's 4pm now and I'm gonna hit the seawall for some music in the park. There is a huge concert at Brockton Oval (http://www.voicesinthepark.com/) with a bunch of musical bigwigs. I figure listening to it from the seawall might be possible???

Let's Try This Again: Day One

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Well yesterday was a one off. Yep, I fell off the wagon. My friend said "there is no spoon, Neo, or in your case no wagon...". I guess he's right. Anyways I am dry today.

I got a nice surprise visit from my, now long-distant friend yesterday, as he made sure he popped by before leaving again for Alberta. It was so great to see him, forgetting how he always put a smile on my face. He couldn't believe how good I looked and considering my so-called life right now, at least I look good. We had a quick chat and then he had to run. I hope he can come out again soon and we can hang out. He picks me up when I'm down. It's too bad we didn't have time for a bit of mattress dancing.

After seeing a hummingbird hovering around my balcony the other day, I proceeded to buy a feeder and make homemade nectar for the hummingbirds. Hopefully this will bring some new interesting life to my balcony.

Always curious, I sen a short message to the guy I removed from my "danc…

Sabbatical: Day 7 NOT

OK So I'm havin a drink. Ok but it's a good discussion.

Sabbatical: Day Six

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Well, last weekend brunch shift. Kinda happy it is over. My patience is gone and I need a break. Home is good. That's all I got today. No meeting with my pal. That's ok. On to tomorrow.

Sabbatical: Day Five

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This headache has been hounding me for two days now. Yesterday after work it started and I thought it was from dehydration. Nope, hydrated to the point of feeling drowned, I then thought it might be from my damn neck/stress problem. I was at the chiropractor and massage therapist for a year and I finally got rid of the numbness in my fingers. This was a year and a half ago and I wouldn't be surprised if that was the issue. The headache continued at night and I took some Advil before bed. When I woke up it was still lingering and as I continued working today it became a small migraine. Not the best feeling, working in a kitchen that is 110F. I drank loads of liquids and still couldn't fight it. At one point I was just struggling to get through my shift, quiet and focused on the shift itself. 

Then it clicked. I remember this happening before and I tried it again. I asked a server to be so kind and make me an ice coffee as I had a migraine and I thought it might be from detox aft…

Sabbatical: Day Four

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Today was a normal day with it's usual ups and downs. I wonder sometimes about the human race and its ability to problem solve, recognize detail, and generally exist in such numbers on this planet. I haven't much to say tonight as I have a headache and should sleep early. Perhaps I will have more to say tomorrow. I will sleep now, licking my wounds (cut my finger today - part of the nail), and rest for tomorrow. Stay calm and carry on.

Sabbatical: Day Three

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The leaves on the trees are change colour and the autumn air have arrived, along with less stressful work days. The crowds have disappeared, there is a slight crisp bite in the air and the patio is less popular until mid-day, when the sun is at it's hottest. The huge to-do-lists are not so overwhelming, while there is the aura of the labour ghost haunting us every second the clock ticks. This is the time of the year that is most unpredictable. You never know when the restaurant could get busy, usual in short slams and then it settles to a few customers again.
It was nice to see the new fryers purchased after another equipment failure occurred earlier this week. No point in fixing a defunct frying unit. Two shiny new fryers installed and running by 10:30am ready for the first crisp order of hash browns to be deep fried. As I worked, it felt better to clear my mind over the past few incidents in my days - my work schedule and the "fired" friend removed from my dance card. T…

The Sabbatical: Day Two

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I woke today, with sun on my face and my cat purring near my ear. The end of Day One was anti-dramatic but included a finalization of one obstacle in my life. I called it quits with the guy I met recently, towing his baggage behind him. I realized this guy had taken me off course and was distracting me. He made his bed of nails, each point jabbing in his back like a multitude of his self-made problems poking his replicated voodoo doll. Now he needs to remove each porcupine needle out one by one, on his own. There is no way to form a relationship, albeit, friends, starting with a lie. I have no time for this in my life and believe that I tell the truth and have based my character on telling it like it is. He will not be part of my inner circle because of his lying. Had I known he was lying all this time, I would have never continued on that wrong dead end path. He has turned to the Lord now for help, and I hope those ladies at bible study are prepared for this selfish being to infiltra…

The Sabbatical: Day One

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To change one's life, a drastic event must occur, similar to a slap in the face. Let's say my pride has been slapped. In return, feeling sorry for myself, I looked back at when I felt more in control of my life. I quit drinking in February this year and lasted 2 months. I wasn't craving drinking the whole time. I did feel lonely, but that is because I meet all my friends at the bar, centered around alcohol. Regardless of the loneliness, I found that losing that expensive routine filled my wallet, filled my fridge and filled my focus.

Now, with a few recent set backs, I feel it's time to grab the bull by the horns. The first incident was meeting someone new whom eventually made me feel pretty crappy. His pain and guilt from his own issues were aimed at me. I simply lent and ear and gave him some minor advice, listening to his plight, like nursing a stray back to health. Unfortunately, the stray lashed out biting the hand that fed it. I have a natural attraction to men …

Silence Everyone

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For some people, days off are spent catching up on chores. Others fill their spare hours with athletic activities. Some visit family or spend time with friends. I love spending my days off listening to music and enjoying the sights on the seawall. Relaxing is the key. Today I walked around Stanley Park via the seawall, resting my mind, body and soul, listening to my most recent favorite album, Born and Raised by John Mayer. After a whirlwind of a week at work, I always save some of my hours outside of my high stress job for the seawall. I prescribe it for myself as a needed stress reliever. 

 I know I have a load of friends that fill my heart with joy and happiness. I enjoy this quirky group of pals, regardless of the unwanted attention I sometimes receive. Once and awhile some take my friendliness as signs of affection, which in return creates some awkward situations. I have been a participant in the unrequited love scenario too many times. It never ends well, knowing from experience…

Day Off Brain Off

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Soon, the storm will come. The sky is filling with clouds. The calm today is fleeting as I sit facing the rippling water of Lost Lagoon, as a turtle and merganser share a floating log. It's spring in Vancouver again, cherry blossoms dotting the side streets. The air is finally warm after a very wet winter. I am surrounded by pigeons, sitting on a park bench. I have been struggling all day to get outside and finally, after procrastinating most of my day away, I am breathing fresh air with a slight odour of fertiliser. I know that this smell will be permeating every olfactory system, with every gardener kneeling in chicken waste in hopes to create to most colourful bed of flowers.

Now a mallard couple preens their feathers in front of me as the sun breaks through the clouds, warming my legs. The male slips into the water to chase away two intruder mallards and promptly flies back to his mate. A couple of bald eagles soar miles above the lagoon and a swan floats toward me, dipping h…

Clear of Mind and Alcohol...

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It's been 2 weeks since I have had any alcohol. Many people have first asked me why I have chosen to stop drinking, and whether it is permanent or simply a break? I honestly haven't been able to give them any concrete answer but I can tell them the pros of my choice, albeit the small amount of time that has passed. The questions also include scrunched up faces and raised eyebrows, truthful clues of their underlying feelings on the recent decision. Are they wondering if I will still be the fun-loving Jen everyone enjoyed sitting around? Will I become a born-again non-drinker? When will I start drinking again? 



I am asking myself these same questions. I stopped on Valentine's Day. Why? I woke up on my day off, extremely hung over and decided that day that I was wasting my life and money drinking. I, at first, thought my decision a bit rash, but I am 2 weeks in and am still dry. I equate this choice similar to my quitting smoking. I made that decision and stuck to it, never fa…

Is Hank Moody Goin Down This Season On 'Californication'?

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The whole premise of the show is around Hank and his inability to accept the consequences of his actions. We love him because he is this person we wanna be at times - irresponsible. But this time the arrow hit hard and deep. Will Carrie's harsh but psychotically passionate words roll off Hank's exterior, as he just shrugs off the pain like drops of rain. That raincoat named Karen and Becca doesn't seem to be so waterproof anymore.
Hank seems to influence everyone in his inner circle. Charlie is his best friend, and when we were first introduced to him, he was an anchor for Hank, getting him out of jams and smoothing over the rough patches. As we all know, bad behavior is learned through attention, whether it be bad or good. Charlie's little happy marriage with Marcy started failing because if the attention Charlie got from hanging out and acting like Hank. It never seems to be either of their fault when the plot turns down a bad path, with the excuse of 'it just hap…

Where Is My Hank Moody?

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I'm not looking. I always say, looking, expecting, pushing the issue, will come to nothing in the alien land of love. I have had a recent overdose of one man, albeit a fictional character, but he has managed to pinpoint certain past and present experiences in my life. I have stayed consistent in my love affairs, always a most obvious flaw in the material that makes each man an attraction to no end. Always the damaged material to keep me sufficiently entertained. The fictional character is Hank Moody of Californication craze, the role immortalized by David Duchovny, a flawed character himself. It has been questionable whether he is even acting, reports of his sexual addiction broadcasted on every page of the Internet and garbage celebrity tabloid. 
I recently watched every episode, 50 episodes in less that a week, encompassing myself within the glitz, glamor, and insanity of a world so opposite than my own. The warm feeling of entering the world of this character was pure escapism, …