Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Ch-ch-ch-changes


I am sunburned. At 42 years of age, one would think that experience with the sun and fair skin would automatically set off a sunscreen alert. Sometimes I think I am disregarding obvious warnings in hopes that I will wake up one day, in a different life. When I was in university I had a great plan to write a novel. The story would be autobiographical but written as fiction. The life of a young adult entering her life, post secondary school, crossing a street and her life flashes before her eyes. The novel would be this character's life before she crosses that street. I wasn't quite sure how it would end, similar to my view of my own future, but I knew it would end as it began, with that step out onto the street. I guess if I write the novel now I would have more to fill my story...

My interest in writing comes from my initial diary entries, although I hated that I 'needed' to write my thoughts down daily. For some reason when I was a 'tween' my friends all had diaries and wrote in them daily, if not hourly. Sometimes I didn't have much to say and I felt I was 'failing' by not writing everyday. I sometimes feel that way today with this little blog, but I do realize that I amazingly have nothing to say. My friends and loved ones would not believe this, as I am known to be opinionated. Regardless, writing makes me relax.

My stories and ideas seem to be more like premonitions. My novel I had planned to write was quite similar to a movie released in the 90s, "Me, Myself, I". A woman is hit by a car and wakes up in a completely alternate life. She has to live in this new lifestyle, while the alternate woman who was living in that life was in her original life. When I saw the movie, I seriously thought someone had stolen my ideas. Before the many movies of insects I had an idea for a great commercial. I woke one morning, opening my eyes slowly focusing on a line of ants crawling up my desk beside my bed. The line of marching ants went all the way from the window across the room, up the side of the desk and into a can of Coca Cola. Another line was leaving the soda can and off to the window. I thought what a great idea for a Coke commercial. A close up of that ant trail all marching in line to the choice of Pepsi or Coke. The ants chose coke in the commercial. Of course, there were a bunch of animated bug movies after that. Antz, A Bug's Life, Bee Movie, Ant Bully.

I digress from the title of this writing project. Changes. Yes, I am at a part of my life where I need a change. I was with my guy the other day and passed a store which made me think back to a fork in the road of my life. I have been working in the restaurant industry for 20 years. Ugh I write that and am shocked at that amount of time sweating in kitchens, training younger fresh faces and dealing with the stress of crazy busy rushes. I had a chance to work outside of a kitchen and passed it down. I applied for a job as a manager of a pet supplies store. I have always loved animals, owning 5 cats, 10 fish, 3 turtles and befriend every dog I see. I was asked in for a third interview even and turned the job down, afraid of leaving my comfort zone. Yes it would have been a pay cut, but being around animals all day, and their owners, may have been worth it. Even as a kid I wanted to be a veterinarian. I loved the show All Creatures, Great and Small. I wasn't quite into the farm animals, being a city girl, but working with animals was a dream. Regrets are good though. It gives me a focus outside of work. Something for which to possibly strive.

So, these thoughts of regret and paths in my life, have been pushed into the limelight because of my lack of motivation in my current career. I was thrown into the restaurants during my college and university years. I worked full time to pay for school. I worked so much that I lost sleep and finally interest in my studies. I was studying phys ed in university and and lost interest because of the decrease in PE teachers in schools. The government took away the programs thus, PE teachers weren't needed. In turn, I continued in restaurants reluctantly. Time flies in the hospitality industry. Seasons fly by so quickly. Then you notice years have flown by. Now I wonder if I made the right choice.

I am a persistent person. Whatever I put my mind to, I do it. If I want something, I get it. It's not surprising that I am doing well in my career. I just wonder if I could excel in a different career? I know that the repeating stress and frustrations of the restaurant industry are beginning to make me weary. I feel I have pretty much had enough of the kitchen world. I rarely enjoy cooking at work. At home I love cooking when I feel like it. It's like a chore to me now and not fun. This is a red light for me saying I need a change. People say I need a vacation but I would still need to come back and work.

I think I just need a change. I need to recognize the signs, whether they be to wear sunscreen or to follow your passions.