Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Does Absence Make The Heart Grow Fonder?

When you spend much of your spare time with your mate, is it considered withdrawal when you miss your mate when you are separated? Is love an addiction?

This summer has been a catastrophe for me on many aspects. Work completely took over most of my time, which cut into my private life drastically. The time spent working was definitely hindering my love life and my general sanity. I was lucky to see my guy once a week through the summer months. Although we spoke on the phone and chatted on-line, our specialty, I was starting to show the signs of breakdown. Being with him was my only escape from the hell of the summer months working in the hospitality industry, managing a flighty team, cutting chunks from my schedule daily. Without a day off in weeks, and no plans to "escape", my mental state was a balancing act of normal to psycho every step of the tight rope.

With the leaves falling, the school year starting and the summer heat cooling, my days off have returned and my "escape" time is reborn. We are back on track and I feel a bit more like myself again. Unfortunately, our days off are on opposite sides of the week, and we still have to fit in the time with our work interrupting or meetings. It always seems we are on a schedule, counting down the hours before we have to go our separate ways to our respective jobs. I love my days off and enjoy spending time on my own. It is something we are sure to not lose in our relationship. Now that I am seeing him more often, I seem to want more and more. It is almost like an addiction and when I am denied of the goods, I miss it dearly. Perhaps we need a vacation together, even if it is a quick 2 day getaway. Away from work and schedules.

I guess it is better to miss him when he isn't with me than to not miss him at all...

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Relationships and Jigsaw Puzzles - Can You Really Train Yourself To Change?

Over my many years, where men have come and gone, I have always wondered if each and every experience really alters your personality. Recently, I have been seeing a massage therapist for a problem I have with my neck. The tension in my neck muscles, which have knotted up so much I could compete with Superman in a bullet-stopping contest, has created a numbing feeling in my fingertips. All of this is due to stress and over-use of the muscles, being too short for the counter tops at my work in kitchens. The therapist says that if I don't continue to stretch my neck muscles, they will contract back to the shortened tense position, never training the muscle to relax.

If we stretch our personalities, compromising certain characteristics to be compatible with a mate, do we ultimately change into a different person?

At the tender age of 40, I can see the errors of my ways in love...that is regarding the past men in my life. For some reason I can never see the cracks in the road that I chose on the left while the smoothly paved road is, so obvious, on the right. Sure, I can say the obstacles that I must climb over on my path give me more strength and wisdom to carry on. Why is it that all of the men in my past have always had similar personalities? Do I continue to walk around in circles, similar to my pleasant excursions around the Stanley Park seawall?

Every man I have dated has affected me, changing pieces of my puzzle, trying to make the jagged edges fit together with their own. Some men seemed to smuggle scissors in their pocket, cutting the pieces to make them fit, disregarding the obvious mismatch in the overall picture. Even I forced some of the puzzle pieces together, in hopes of finishing the jigsaw puzzle as fast as possible. Nevertheless, the picture never looked right. I have lost many contacts and friendships over men, being a huge supporter of all or nothing. When I date someone I tend to alienate myself from my surroundings, escaping the real world of work, stress, and disappointment, by focusing on him. In turn, the connections made fray so much, I lose part of myself to each relationship. I change my surrounding connections every time I date a new guy. Similar to working at a new job, where old connections break to create new ones.

Currently my friendships, leftover from my past relationship, have slowly vanished once again, while new friendships have bloomed. I have broken the boring routine of my life with ease. I quit smoking, eat better and drink water more. I don't drink daily and have changed from chugging beer daily to sipping red wine more often. The support of my friends at the old watering hole is still there, although I feel as though I am a guest star rather than a regular cast member now.

My new relationship has made me think about how I change with the seasons, or rather the men I date. This is a new season that I haven't experienced before. More obstacles to overcome, although none of the obstacles centre around him but rather everything else surrounding me. Have I reached an age where I finally don't have to sacrifice myself for a man? He hasn't brought out the hidden scissors from his pocket. He has seen the picture on my jigsaw puzzle box, and we are slowly putting our pieces together, no matter how often the pieces change. The matching of our ever changing pieces is the best part, not the final completed puzzle.

Have I finally stretched my neck muscles enough to have trained my stressed, contracted muscles to relax and enjoy the feeling? Has my personality changed with this new man? I don't feel that different. I do feel lighter. I don't have to try as hard because he likes me for what I am. Now if I could get the feeling back in my fingertips, training my neck muscles to not contract, I may fully learn to relax. I wonder what pieces I'll match up tomorrow in my jigsaw puzzle.


Yes I'm still alive. I'm sure with the billions of people following my blog, the world has stopped since my last submission. ***Silence*** Maybe it has stopped? Wow AMAZING....

Well, I have been busy to say the least. I want to change the format of my blog. No one probably cares about my boring life, so I will save you all from the crap I write. Plus I don't need daily affirmation anymore. My life is guy, good job, happy happy.

New format? I am quite the ranter and raver, so I have decided to use my blog asking questions similar to the fictional character, Carrie Bradshaw, from the TV show Sex and the City.

This way I will have a bit more of a theme...

So, we'll see how that goes for a while...


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

I Actually Have A Legitimate Hobby! Wow!

Soar With The Eagles....

Okay if you can't soar with them... take pictures of them and share them with the world. The answering machine blinked repeatedly when I sauntered into my apartment after a few drinks with pals at the local pub. I pressed the button, half expecting to hear another irritating marketer selling me some crap. The recording was not a telemarketer, but it was someone who wanted me for something. It was a moderator from the discussion forum I frequent, centered around bald eagles. She had left me an email the other day regarding the pictures I had taken of the eagles in Malkin Bowl, Stanley Park, discussing the possible need for some help. Well, I called her today and was pleasantly surprised to hear that the main people for the site were wondering if I wanted to be a "Content Facilitator or Provider". I would be in charge of the topic about the Stanley Park Eagles, adding recent pictures and information about the nest.

This is a volunteer responsibility and am quite happy to do so, especially if it gets me to the park more. I must now always have my camera, and this will keep me busy when I'm off work in the months ahead (and keep me out of Checkers). At least this is what I was thinking as I said yes to the HWC moderator. I wonder if this decision makes me more of the nerd I always was. I told my boyfriend that I was a geek in disguise, dressing and acting like one of the popular kids, but underneath the wardrobe was a nerd.In the end it doesn't matter because the volunteer work is not about me or my specific quirks, but about documenting a specific group of bald eagles in Stanley Park. There are many people who would like to see pictures of the wildlife found right outside their door; people who don't have the time or patience to follow these majestic birds. Well, if I can show these birds to that group of people, and the other eagle-fans everywhere, while simply hanging out in my favourite place on a beautiful day...well gosh, darn I guess I will have to twist my own rubber arm.

I am pretty excited considering I purchased a new portable, digital camera. It takes better, clearer pictures. Now all I have to do is make sure I have batteries and my camera with me all the time. I also have to keep up with putting the photos on the discussion site. If you read this blog, you know how easily distracted I get, ignoring my blog page for months. In this case it is more interactive, people commenting on a regular basis. I can even put up some video if I get some! Like this one from my balcony and the wee birdies that visit for breakfast, lunch and dinner! I never thought I would get so far into watching the eagles but even I can surprise myself out of the routines I go through in my life.

Speaking of hobbies, I find it very interesting that my boyfriend and I have separate hobbies yet they are quite similar. He is an avid aero-enthusiast, meaning he loves jet-fighters of many eras, and builds replicas of these planes. He frequents the Abbostford Airshow annually and snaps photos and video of the event. On one of our first "outings" we watched the Mars Bomber in Coal Harbour! It is used as a fire fighting plane, dumping zillions of gallons of water on forest fires in BC and all over North America if needed. On the other hand, I am an eagle-enthusiast. Both hobbies deal with aerodynamics. We recently watched a documentary about the flight of eagles and the use of this study for jet-fighter planes. It was right up our alley so-to-speak.

I never thought I really had a hobby, other than walking around Stanley Park, shopping for bargains, and of course, sleeping. This volunteer makes it official! I am an official hobbyist! Now I have legitimate reasons behind sitting for hours looking up at the sky! Remember if you see me looking up to the sky, there is no doubt an eagle nearby, or some sort of raptor.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


FACEBOOK is a fun place to hangout. It kind of appeared one day in my life through a friend, asking me to join. I thought it was harmless, and a better place than myspace. Myspace seemed to be hacked quite frequently and my page was compromised too many times. With FACEBOOK it seemed safer in a way, without my page being infiltrated with spam and such. It was a fun space to play games, send cute little youtube videos, etc. Unfortunately, the tide have turned, as everything does.

In the beginning, before I realized I could change my security setting, I noticed a zillion email updates appearing in my hotmail. Updates telling me if a friend even exhaled or wiped his ass. Quite irritating to wake up in the morning and check my email to see FACEBOOK had taken up a whole page of emails! Then I realized I could change my security settings to not update me on anything. This way I just check my FACEBOOK page for the new things that happened. I can also change what updates I want to see. All things were good after this. That is, good for a little while. 

I was asked to add a funwall and superwall. I did, thinking it would be harmless, friends sending me cute pictures and videos. Well, this was the beginning of the end. I began receiving stupid chain letters. These chain letters disquised themselves first as cool horoscopes or interesting tidbits of information that would make you laugh. At the end of each item it stated to send it to all your friends. That was it. Then these simple word-of-mouth messages changed to actual spam, and highest point of irritation for me.

The messages were short but stated that something would happen if you sent it to everyone on your friend list. Yes, of course you fall for it once or twice. But that's it! Now everyday I receive 5-6 of these and they are strictly from my friends, as I have only allowed access to people I accept as friends. This is a small abrasion which has now turned into a festering massive wound. "My friends" seem to think it is okay to continue these stupid chain letters and I am quite sick of them. Whether I mean the chain letters or the stupidity of "my friends" is up to you to decide.

I have officially deleted my funwall and superwall, cutting off the highway of crap on to my FACEBOOK page. Little do any of my friends realize, but they are supporting the idiots spreading the chain letters. Everytime one of the authors of these letters sees his or her creation, it gives them a rise and makes them glow. It's like and addiction, where if they get accustomed to the rise they get from seeing their work, they create more and more. It's like feeding the trolls, so to speak. Continuing to get angry at trolls just makes them pester you more. It's a never ending road. Unless you cut them off, it will continue.

I am ranting here hoping people read this and, in turn, change their behaviour on FACEBOOK, and for that matter, on any corrspondance site. This way we can avoid the crap and keep the pages fun and enjoyable. I kow, there is always a bad apple in the group, and it will never end, but if we just try to avoid "feeding" these idiots, it might deter them. In the meantime, I will change my route to avoid frustrating spam on my FACEBOOK page. For all the fun suff I am it to me. If that becomes a spamfest...I'll just delete the author...YOU!!!!! 

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Lazy, Rainy Days and Waiting for the Sun

It's March 25th and raining again. I know Easter and daylight savings time came early but I am getting quite sick of all this cold and wet weather. Spring is here, and yes, we all know the saying "April showers bring May flowers". So let's get on with it! The winter is dragging on and that damn groundhog said spring would arrive early this year. Funny how we all remember what the result was with Wiarton Willie and Punxsutawney Phil on February 2nd. It's ridiculous to believe a large rodent, but for some bizarre human behaviour here in North America, the groundhog tells us when spring will appear.

I'm wondering if all this weird weather is really 'weird' or if it is just me anticipating warmer days ahead. It seems everything is a bit off quilter. The Japanese cherry blossoms are starting to bloom which is always a good sign. The Great Blue Herons are nesting in the Stanley Park Rookery, which is on time. The eagle nests, on-line and local, are empty though except for the Vanier Park nest. I was privy to catching the Malkin Bowl eagles mating above their nest in their tree, but this seems a bit late, considering they should be laying the eggs in a week or so. 

Is all of this wonky timing due to it being a leap year this year? It seems all a bit off. Even I am confused, thinking it should be way warmer by this time of year. The Daylight Savings Time was moved up to mid March, making it dark later at night. Of course this doesn't affect the temperature but it seems like it should be warmer. Easter was also early this year, a week after St. Patrick's Day! Come on that is just wrong! From green beer and drunken Irishmen to Easter bunnies and religious ceremony, in one week. I think it is all a bit much.

So now I sit here on a "lily pad" looking out at the rainy weather, which is fore casted to possibly snow tonight, wondering how many more days of this drab grey weather I will have to endure. I don't mind it while I am working but would rather it be nice so I can enjoy a few hours of sunshine after work. My hobbies are outdoor activities involving eagle watching and hiking. Not the best weather to be trudging around with a camera. I bought a new camera with better zoom and mega pixels and have been asked to volunteer some time to watch the eagle nest in Stanley Park. I will need better weather to get good shots to send in to the website.

Hopefully, the weather will change soon.... 

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Lazy Rainy Days

Spring has sprung! Unfortunately with that comes rain, rain, rain. I am so thankful of the cold weather disappearing but at the same time, trading the deep freeze for a pair of rubber boots still doesn't seem enticing. The day-to-day monotony of grey skies is quite depressing. I wait patiently for the eagles to return to their nests and the dragonflies hovering around my head as I walk around Lost Lagoon.

Why does rain make everyone so lazy? Sitting here with my guy, sipping coffee, glancing out to the cloudy wet day, makes me want to go back to bed. Luckily I have some things to do today so that will get me out of bed. The weather at this time is more of a drain than usual. When we are all fooled by the sunshine one day followed by a grey day, it tends to skew you're energy when you are lacking sunshine!

How to kick the lazy day feeling on a cloudy day? Shopping and eating. Okay, not shopping for anything in particular, wandering around stores browsing can make a couple like us seem a bit too comfortable with each other. While walking through the bedding section in a department store I had this weird feeling like we were preparing for the future hunt for the perfect wedding registry. Creepy, at least for me this early in the relationship. But at the same time, not uncomfortable at all.

Our purchases consisted of things we needed and toys we didn't, but certainly are fun (hint hint). Also, my eating habits have been all over the place with my decision to join the mainstream and quit smoking. Thank God for nicorette but I haven't really had any extreme signs of heroine withdrawal, as it has been compared too. I have slight mood swings which are similar to PMS so I can see it coming and jam a piece of chewable smoke in my mouth. It probably looks worse from the other side, but I hope it isn't so bad. Hopefully all the eating doesn't put me in the fat zone that I was in. I used to be 168lbs and now I am 150lbs. Happy to be 10lbs heavier than my graduation weight but would like to lose more.
OK... I am rambling. I must leave NOW.


Monday, February 25, 2008

Lilypads and Sleepovers

It's been awhile since I have updated my blog page. If you are reading this, don't call the police. I am not a missing person and I have to admit, being kidnapped by a frog isn't as bad as it sounds. I have been having a fantastic 2008 so far and maybe that is why I have left a vacant blog space here.
My Frog Prince has been wonderful. He and I have been hanging out on his lilypad, and as the Princess, it isn't so bad. Sure, it's not the beautiful castle that I am accustomed to, in the west end, but it is quite comfortable. Floating around on his pond, catching flies and watching dragonflies, sleeping in the sun on his lilypad is paradise. 
Sleeping over on his lilypad is fun too. We are learning more and more about each others habits and routines, which is interesting and amusing at times. The common saying "I don't snore" came up. Haha Sure you don't. At least I admit it. But frog snores are cute and soothing...Funny how it used to annoy me.
Anyways, a quick note here from the lilypad, to say I'm still here. And happy.

***************************************************************************************************************** Frog says my blog was not quite as thought out as my previous blogs....little did he know, while he was frolicking in the shower, I was furiously blogging so he wouldn't know...So much for privacy. I guess that's what happens when you blog on someone else's computer. Ribbit....

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Happy New Year to Me!

Happy New Year to all the readers out there. Sorry I have been out of order for awhile but I have been a bit busy, which, I suppose, is a good thing. I have decided to venture into a new sub-blog which I will begin soon, if I get around to it. If you want to read that, it will be called, The Misadventures of the Alternate Living Room. Whether I am more or less diligent in writing there is another challenge I must overcome. It will be the stories or day-to-day happenings of my favourite place to be, where I feel comfortable and happy, other than on my own couch, my local pub. And to all you readers who frequent that nameless place...don't worry, I will change all the names to hide your identities. I want to write about it because I think it is a fantastic splice of life, especially through my eyes.

On with the show here, though....

What has happened since my last visit? On-line dating has halted for awhile. Why, you ask? Well, it turned out to be a success! I have met a Prince Charming. Although he is not on his white steed, wearing his combat gear, and looking like a male model, he is my Prince Charming! He and I met on Craigslist, and he was the first person to respond to my personal ad, which I put on the site as a bit of a joke or, rather investigation. I thought I would be gracious enough to respond to his reply, as he was the first guy to drop me a line. He even suggested I filter through the "applicants" first and get back to him after if I wanted to. Very polite and chivalrous of him. I didn't and began talking to him via e-mail then messenger. We finally met, after "typing' back and forth every night from computer to computer or to my phone. He called me a couple of times before we met up, also.

Coffee date first. I met him and took him to Melriches, 2 stores away from my work. We sat and talked for 2 hours, or rather, I talked. I was high on caffeine from the whole day, as I was walking around on my day off ingesting too much coffee already. I wasn't immediately attracted to him, I have to admit. He was definitely not my type, not that I have ever had a type. Definitely not George Clooney, and of course, everyone is visually stimulated first. But after our date, and more conversations, I realized this guy has something there that every other guy doesn't. I couldn't put my finger on it, but we get along like two peas in a pod on-line, so why not try another date.

This one was a sushi date, on his side of town. He picked me up and off we went. I am quite happy to be dating someone who, not only has his licence but also owns a car! We had a great lunch even though I was hungover from a night of over indulgence! After sushi we went for a drive around Stanley Park. A quick date before the Christmas rush of family and friends. A quick hug and peck and it was over.

Our next date was sushi on my side of town, and a movie. We went to Downtown sushi, in hopes of Vivien entertaining us with her hilarious antics. Unfortunately, she wasn't as exciting. Then we wandered off to the theater. A suspense movie, I Am Legend, was the only thing I was interested in and he wanted to see it. It was okay and a bit exciting. His hand on my knee or holding my hand throughout the flick. It was quite cute when he jumped at one point. After the flick, we wandered the streets down to the pub. All of my pals down there were eying us up...of course, whispering back and forth about my date. We watched the rest of the Canuck game and then he walked me home. He kissed me for a while outside of my apartment and we said good night. That's where I began to think a bit more about this very polite and shy guy.

We spoke more and more on-line and through texts, over the next few days. Then on Boxing Day, after my day of work, I went over to his place. We talked over a few Granville Island Christmas Ales, as I took in his living quarters. A sense of comfort came over me, glancing around at his collection of models of aircrafts. My brother was quite interested in models and it reminded me of childhood, and me laying on the floor watching him assemble model after model, decals, model glue and paints everywhere. His music playlist also made me at ease, as he had much of the same music as I, including Corinne Bailey Rae, which is one of my favourites. He seemed to have as much clutter as I do in my apartment. This also made me at ease. Sometimes visiting a guy's place can be a bit daunting, especially if they have a beautiful place and you are just living in a humble abode. It results in never inviting him over to your place out of intimidation or embarrassment.

On New Year's Day, everything changed. He met me after a hectic day of insanity at my work. I wandered down to the pub, exhausted from the New Year's Day rush and was quite disappointed to walk into chaos instead of the relaxed atmosphere I was used to. Everyone was drunk or getting there and it was loud and obnoxious in the bar. I got a seat at the bar and worried about his reaction when he got there, him being hungover from the previous night's festivities at his brother's place. When he got there it was a bit quieter but still not relaxing. We talked at the bar as, once again, people were spying on us. We were finally ready to go and wandered out for dinner. Sushi again at my other favourite place, Akira on Denman. Not as busy there, we were able to relax and talk more. After dinner we bought a bottle of red wine and went back to my apartment.

Listening to music, we sat on my couch sipping wine and talking about everything. He gave me a bit of a massage, reaching under my sweater. All was so comfortable and felt just right. We did a lot of making out on my couch and then I thought it would be time to do something about all the hot and heavy petting. As I was about to get up and lead him to my bedroom, we managed to spill red wine all over the place! This ended up being quite the cleaning expedition! After, I had a shower to wash brunch off, and came out in my robe. Now we all know what happened next, which I will not describe. Leave it to your imagination. He stayed the night, especially since I wasn't working the next day.

Breakfast in the morning, a walk around Stanley Park viewing 9 eagles, and then dinner later. Another visit back to my apartment, watching a movie, and another romp in the bedroom, and I was hooked. My "Geek" was exactly what I needed. He is very attentive and probably the best guy I have ever had in my bed. We still get along like hand in glove, despite the change in our relationship. Somehow, this guy got under my skin and I acquired a new addiction. This one is a good one which I don't need to quit!

He's been over again and
I've been to his place too, for more romps, movies and such. The best part is we can talk about anything. My little accident at work, nipping the tip of my thumb off, took us for another turn in our relationship. He came down to see me and take me out for dinner which in turn was a bit much for him. He was so worried about me being in the emergency ward, being repaired, that he insisted in buying me dinner. Unfortunately, all the drama and him being squeamish about blood, was a bit much and he fainted twice. Not on the floor but it was a bit of a scare for me! In turn, it showed us that we were a bit more attached to each other than we were showing...him rushing to me in the hospital, a place he would rather not be, and me keeping him from completely passing out, supporting him of his phobia. Obviously something was happening here.

So now, as I sit here, blah-blahing about the happenings of my New Year, I have decided that I am in a new relationship. I have also decided that I am no longer single, which is a hard thing to do, considering this will be a whole new world of compromise. I am not the best at this, giving up comforts that I hang on to like a security blanket. I was enjoying the single life but I am enjoying my life even more now. Sharing can be a good thing. Cooking together, walking together hand in hand, snuggling on the couch watching movies. These are all things that I have always wanted. Now that I am with a new person, I can be a better person, knowing my past mistakes. Being open and honest is a big one for me. So far so good. He knew about my wrist ganglion immediately even before we met! I have a feeling this will all be a good thing for me, giving me a new spice in my life to cook with.

The fairy tale of the Frog Prince is true, for all you gals out there. Give him a chance. I did! I am very happy!!!! (I know you are reading this, Queasy Duck...and you are my "Geek", remember...I am a "geek" too, but in disguise. Kisses and hugs XOX)