Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Webcams and the such....

I found this webcam in our recycling/waste area about 3 months ago. I thought that I would have no use for this computer accessory but brought it upstairs to my apartment nonetheless, just to see if it works. After finding the website to download the software for it, I got the camera working. I thought it was a neat gadget with many extras I could fool around with. The most I ever used it for was to take pictures for updating my Facebook profile.

In the past month I have been meeting people online, okay men, and I have been casually been talking to them through the website. If I like them I let them onto my hotmail and, in three cases, I accept calls and meet them for coffee or a drink. Yes, I am safe and make sure I am in a public place with them. In the case with Ray, we had 4 dates and it was fun. We went to dinner, a movie, etc, as you have read in my past blogs.

In the most recent case, the guy I have met has been in conversations with me over hotmail, and he seems really great. Funny, cute, open and, a bit on the sexy side. I definitely like it and the talk can get a bit steamy but all in fun. We make each other laugh and that is really important to me. This morning, after a long fight with the webcam operational problems last night, we chatted on messenger with our webcams on. It was so much fun, I was almost late for work! We were both in our jammies still and we complimented each other on how cute we both were. He was trying to convince me of things which I laughed and told him there is no point if we haven't met in person. When we do, it will definitely be a lot easier as we won't need an ice breaker! And if this thing we are playing around with, after many dates....maybe the cam could be fun...

Now, I admit, kinky, yes, but in the end I am a grown-up. Now parents need to rethink webcams for their kids. I don't even want to imagine what young girls need a webcam for. I know how naive they can be and innocent. The webcam will definitely end that innocence in a second. We have all seen the UTube bits on sexy young girls doing obscene things on webcams. Personally, I think that any parent allowing their child to have a webcam is asking for trouble. Especially if their computer is in their own room. Somehow there has to be a way to monitor the use of webcams with children under 18 years of age. The parents shouldn't let the computer be in a private room and should be able to see what their kids are doing on the computer. Webcams should be placed under lock and key in the house and should have parent supervision when in use.

At my work, the GM and owners have remote access to the computer in the office, no matter where they are. Every parent should think about setting up this with their child's computer...Yes, it is a bit of a "Big Brother" situation, but they are children. If I found out my child was stripping in front of her webcam for some guy on the other end...I have no idea what I would do.

So, if this whole thing with this new guy works out, at least for a bit, I'm into some more fun. I'd much rather he get his ass downtown from Richmond and take me out on a nice walk around the seawall. Feeling his hand in mine is much better than these damn computer keys under my fingertips.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Long Underwear...

It is November...usually a rainy month with not a lot of sunshine. Lately we've had a bit of a break with the weather and the sun has broken up the dreary shorter days we are so used to in the lull before the Christmas rush. With the clear weather you also get the crisp, even cold, bone-chilling freezing temperatures that, as a Vancouverite, we aren't used to. I love fall and winter sunshine because the glare of the sun is not as harsh and the refraction of light from the tilt of the Earth makes everything look different . I don't have lots of clothes for this kind of weather though. I only have jeans. I can layer as many shirts and hoodies as I want but below the waist I am so cold! Jeans are the worst textile to wear in the chilly weather, too, as the freeze goes right through them, especially if they are a tight fit. Don't get me wrong, I am not the proud owner of a camel-toe, but I like my jeans to be slim not loose fitting.

For this particular reason I think I will purchase a pair or two of long underwear, or at least a pair of tights. I hate being cold, especially my legs, and I would rather layer up than not if I am going out to venture around in the park on a crisp fall day. Yes, I may sound like a wimp, and if you are from Manitoba, I am a wimp. But, instead of walking at a high pace to stay warm, missing many exciting new views of the park, with the seawall re-opened now, I can enjoy my walks and be out even longer with the layers . I love the park (Stanley Park) so much, I can't stand to be distracted from it by a chill up my legs.

Speaking of Stanley Park, and how much I treat it as my own special refuge from my mediocre life, I have shared it with new people in my life that I meet. The last person was Ray, and before that my ex and I would walk around the park at least once a week, enjoying the beauty it holds and the comfortable silences we shared. The problem with sharing something so close to your heart is that, if the person you share the park with leaves, or does you wrong in some way, that refuge is a place that holds memories. Immediately after the hurt occurs, the park is a lonely place, memories shooting straight into your heart like red hot daggers. As time passes though, I realize that ole Stanley is my only constant in an ever changing life. At least I can depend on him to be there in my time of need. He can bring forth many great memories, too. Sharing him with others is like sharing my heart, so when someone leaves they take a bit of him too.

After the storm of 2006 I was devastated to see the bald forest, trees everywhere. It was as if my only constant had changed so drastically I couldn't depend on Stanley to relax me. The walk around the seawall was detoured through many upper paths and disrupted my routine. The best part of the storm is that I became more familiar with the park's areas I never visit, including a new eagle nest I had never seen. I rarely if ever viewed the bay from above, up where the cormorants roost on the cliffs by the Lion's Gate Bridge. Prospect Point was considered too touristy for me, and I still think so but it is beautiful up high at the highest point of the park. The new paths and new planting is taking place and the park has a new face, the trees very sparse in places where the wind tore through. I now have a new perspective on the park and life as we can all go through storms and be injured. We can also heal and may look a bit different but in the end we are still the same.

My refuge has a new look and during the fall and winter I am going to be it's best friend. I will purchase that pair of long underwear so I can spend as much time as I can with my ole pal, Stanley. Maybe I should buy a pair or two for him too.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Sick, Sick, Sick!!!

The war is on!!! I think that the cold is winning at the moment. I woke up this morning feeling like a bag of phlegm. Yuck! Hopped in the shower and the steam broke it up a bit but man, I don't wanna explain the stuff coughed outta my lungs. It has been a long time since I have been sick and I am not enjoying the war going on in my body. It is definitely uncomfortable.

In the meantime I have been able to get a bit of work done at home. I have acquired a great computer table which was quite a bitch to get into my apartment. It is a corner table which allows me to see the world outside when I am on my computer, while freeing up my kitchen table for dinner! I love watching the eagles fly by, or the little chickadees, juncos, rosy finches and sparrows that visit my balcony munching on the seeds I put out for them. The mountains are beautiful at this time of year! I also got a coffee table which is gorgeous and matches all my furniture. Finally my place is livable again!

I have a new admirer also from POF...He contacted me earlier when I was seeing the last guy and I said I wasn't too great at seeing more than one guy at a time. He wished me luck and that was it. I was a bit disappointed, thinking I would not get another chance to speak to him. After the bizarre incident with Ray, I wrote my admirer a quick note saying I was free again. He was so happy because he really thinks I'm a "cutey-patootie" and wanted to chat with me more. So now we are. I wonder where this will go? Well, at this point I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride...I can't make the roller coaster car go faster than it goes already!

Sunday, November 18, 2007


Colds. I very rarely get sick. I am very good at staying healthy throughout the fall and winter months, when everyone gets sick. I can bet with all my workmates that I will not get sick when they begin the domino effect of giving each other their colds. Whether my mother let me get really dirty when I was a kid or I am an alien, my immune system is definitely stronger than most. I haven't had the flu since I was about 8 years old. The flu where you are achy, feverish and throwing up. I have had my fair share of colds but I usually get a cold once every 2 or 3 years. Either that or I just don't remember my last cold. I might get a symptom of what could be a cold, but it just goes away. I assume my immune system was fighting a war in my body, during this time and won.

Today is the second day of my cold. It's not so bad but because I am so used to being healthy, it makes me feel crappy. I never believed that a cold is from going out in the cold without a coat on, wet hair, etc. I truly believe it is from you letting your guard down. I believe I have a cold because of my recent dating failure. Well, okay, let's not call it a failure. It was Ray who couldn't handle a relationship. It was not my fault as he assured me tonight via text. I had to contact him as I was still quite tossed about from the sudden 180 degree turn around. I got no details from the text other than "nothing at all about you". With this strange unexplained event in my life, I dropped my guard. I felt sorry for myself and didn't feel so great. What happened the next day after eating a whole bag of cookies and smoking my brains out? I got that sore throat you wake up with when a bug invades your body.

Somehow the soldiers in my immune system were on a union break! Perhaps the bug was in disguise as another cookie, some kind of happy drug to take the sadness out of my mind. During the night there must have been quite a scene of bloodshed in my body, especially in my throat. I can just see those soldiers being ambushed by a continuously mutating super-disguised bug, unable to fight the evil army back from my ever healthy body. No wonder I kept waking up every two hours!

So here I am at home, watching the tube, practically tasting the enormous amount of white blood cells. I have no medicine and will just wait out the war, as Mother Earth does every time us humans decide to beat the hell out of each other. Why the hell do they call this sickness a Cold anyways? Is it because it appears when it is cold out? Whatever! I just want it out of my body now!

Friday, November 16, 2007


I am completely shocked. I have just been dumped. How can he dump me when he initiated every text, phone call and date? How can he dump me when our last messages were about wishing he was with me walking around Stanley Park? How can he dump me and say he doesn't want to stress about a relationship, when he was the one wanting to bring me up to Squamish? Everything he did is completely opposite to what he just did....dumping me. It all happened in the blink of an eye!!!!

Sure being the dumper is better than being the dumpee. In this case I am confused because I have no idea what I did wrong. His e-mail (coward) stated he really liked me and that is why he couldn't continue. My only conclusion is that he lied to me. He's either in a relationship, separated, married or looking for a good time. Unfortunately he ended up liking me.

I think I'm gonna stay away from men for a bit...

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Living the Lead in a Chick Flick

Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan were leads in the best chick flick of the 90's -- When Harry Met Sally -- and I used to think I was living that character of Sally in my 20's. I was in the longest unrequited love relationship with this friend of mine, Mark. We never ended up getting together, and the end of that first chick flick I had a starring role in, didn't end like all the other movies I loved. I did enjoy the unmistakable feeling of being in the lead role of a chick flick. You know, those dramadies made to replace the Walt Disney Prince Charming movies little girls grew up dreaming about. Those chick flick movies were made specifically for those grown up little girls, to show them that there are Prince Charmings in real life, and they don't dress in tights, look like frogs or wake you up from a deep sleep simply by a kiss. If you read or watch those fairy tales as an adult, the stories ring true to many of the stories in Nora Ephron movies. You just have to look deeper into the story.

It's been a week. Seven days. One hundred and sixty-eight hours. About fifty texts and fourteen calls. All of this since I saw Ray last week. Yes, I like the casual distance between us, in our relationship and living spaces, but we are at a point in our dating where, goodnight kisses just aren't "doin' it". On Monday he had planned to meet me after I worked, and we were going to hang out at my apartment (the first time he would have been in my place), drink some wine, play cards and who knows what. Unfortunately, Mother Nature decided this was not a good idea. She made the wind blow so hard that the road from Squamish to Vancouver had two or three road closures.

The suggestive texts continue, back and forth, and it is driving me a bit crazy. Even though I love those great movies, chick flicks, where the sexual tension builds throughout the movie, being "Meg Ryan" or "Sandra Bullock" is driving me a bit insane. I hope when we finally meet up, we won't have to cut through the shyness that happens through meeting face to face, especially with the texts we've been sending. I won't let it happen because I usually give him a big kiss when we first meet, either in his truck, in a parking lot, etc. I do that to cut the shyness, on purpose.

I don't want to be impatient. I want to stretch out this happy feeling for awhile. This is why it is great that he lives in Squamish. I have to admit that I am a bit jealous of where he lives, considering my love for nature. I am especially attracted to bald eagles and he lives right near Brackendale, my ideal weekend winter trip! This is where the local bald eagles go to feed on the returning salmon. Hundreds of eagles gather on the river to feed and I think I would be in awe of it all. On our first date he told me of a time that he saved an eagle from drowning. I just listened probably with my mouth agape, wishing I was not only there but THAT EAGLE being saved by him. He spoke of it like it was nothing really.

So, I guess I will just let this chick flick continue, let my character follow the script of which I never can read the ending. I'm sure we will have many twists in the movie, perhaps I will be like "Julia Roberts" in Step Mom at one point, who knows. Hopefully it will be an original script and not one I already know from my full collection of chick-flicks on VHS. Whatever happens, being the lead is definitely fun.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Love Notes Through Texts...

When I got my first cell phone, I was less than enthusiastic. I had watched people let their phone take over their lives. Everyone seemed to have their cell phones out all the time, interrupting their work, conversations, movies, dinners, etc. I hated hearing the ring of a phone everywhere I went. When my previous job closed their doors, leaving us the false belief that we were moving sites. I wanted to have a working phone while we packed up the restaurant. I also wanted my kitchen staff to be able to contact me about work. I purchased my first cellular phone. It was like a new addition to my family. I was instantly caught up in the immediate connection to people wherever I was. It was a new experience, especially text messaging.

Text messaging is an amazing way of communicating without pressure. I find less pressure to answer questions instantly or think about my choice in words. You can text seemingly provocative messages to a person you have a crush on and feel no real stress over a reaction. You aren't face-to-face, or even voice-to-voice. There is no real pressure at all. You can take your time answering texts you receive.

ow that I am dating a new guy, I find text messaging very handy. It is less expensive for me to text him as his phone is long distance, being a Squamish number. I also love the messages he sends to me. I wonder if he has the same reaction as I do when my phone sends out that special tone set just for him. I instantly grin from ear to ear, and I get mushy inside. He will send me messages like "It's cold out. I want to be warm with you", "Smiles XOX thinking of you", "Did you like your kiss goodbye?", and "Smiles I wish I was there". He will do this at least three times a day. It is so cute. And, of course, I will return the texts with replies of the same sort..."My hand is cold and empty", "It's warm here, come over".I'm sure as our relationship continues these little messages will get even better and more provocative. Hee hee I can't wait.

I have to admit, I am a hypocrite. I always spoke negatively about cellular phones. Now, I am one of those connected people. I have joined the team and I am just as bad as anyone else. I try to keep the texts to myself, the volume of the ringer down or on vibrate, and not play with my phone when I'm bored, but I can't. I left my phone at home one day and I felt like I had lost my wallet. My old phone managed to die a month ago. I accidentally knocked it into the vat of scrambled raw eggs. I was devastated and laughing at the same time. My list of phone numbers are in that phone and it has no SIM card. Well, luckily I saved the numbers but got a new phone. I also have been caught almost walking into traffic, trees, and off sidewalks twisting my ankle, while texting. Pathetic!

With the newest texts I'm getting, I will twist my ankle every time!

Monday, November 5, 2007

3rd Date Eve.....

Going to the movies. Is this an appropriate date experience? I find that movies are fun with friends or with your long-time mate, which is a friend in the end. I find going to the movies is quit anti-social. You sit in the theater watching the big screen rather than talking to your date. Two hours seems to be a waste of quality time you could be having. I accepted this option for our date tonight because he decided he wanted to take me to a movie and a bite to eat.

Now, of course you can turn the whole movie experience around. Anti-social? No way! He can put his hand on your leg, hold your hand, put his arm around your shoulder, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, kiss your neck, or simply make-out in the back of the theater. I have had my experiences in movie theaters when I was younger. I won't mention what I did once when my boyfriend at the time dropped popcorn in his lap. Let's just say, it took awhile to find it down there. So, as I digress, I do have to say this could be a very touchy-feely date tonight.

I will, obviously fill you in when I get home. Stay tuned....

* * * * * * *

Well, I take back my words. I had a fantastic time! Movies are a good date when you're comfortable with you date. He drove in from Squamish and parked his truck out back of my work. I always worry about parking downtown so using the parking spot out back of the restaurant is handy. I met him outside and immediately walked up to him, as he sat in the driver's seat, and gave him a big kiss. He was very pleased at the greeting. He secured his truck and we walked through the restaurant. On the way he met Sabine, the 6 year old that is a regular fixture in our work place. She's a bit of a handful, but she loves me. She was a bit shy around Ray and when I gave her a hug goodbye she wouldn't let go. It was cute.

On Davie Street he instantly grabbed my hand and we walked hand-in-hand down the street. I was comfortable and happy right away. His big strong hand enveloping mine made me feel at ease. We wandered the downtown streets, as I pointed out landmarks and such, feeling like a tour guide. I am really, as he doesn't spend anytime in "the City". We wandered down to Gastown and then I surprised him by taking him through the ugly part of the city...the downtown Eastside. I jokingly said I needed to pick up my heroine and crack, as he looked around at the local homeless and drug-infested streeters. As we continued on, he marvelled at the way the city changes instantly block to block, as we approached the Chinese gardens. This is where he stopped me, spun me around and kissed me. He put his huge arms around me and held me for awhile and I melted in his warmth.

We decided to hunt some food down, so I took him to Jester's, where I have been, and knew it wouldn't be expensive. I knew he was paying and I didn't want to empty his wallet for me. We ordered a bottle of Oyster Bay Chardonnay and some sandwiches. While we waited he held my hand across the table, while we talked about his sons' great "sports day" they had on Sunday. I didn't even notice my food, a strawberry, brie and smoked turkey sandwich, while we relaxed by the fireplace.

Back out in the street he insisted I have a cigarette, as he found out I smoked on our last date, and kept stating it wouldn't bother him. He said it would be surprising if I didn't have any vices, and I would be too perfect. I giggled like a little girl telling him he was so corny but so cute and kissed him on the cheek. Then we went to pick up the movie tickets, but he stopped to get some vanilla cigarillos, which he bought to make me feel less uneasy smoking while he was there. I don't like smoking with non-smokers out of regret, guilt or embarrassment, and I never enjoy my smoke even if they say "It's okay...go ahead". He said he has them once in awhile, so now he and I can have a smoke together. When we got the tickets, the movie I wanted to see wasn't playing at night, as it said on the website earlier today. I had to make a quick decision on an alternate movie. I chose the movie, The Darjeeling Limited, a quirky movie suggested by my GM from work earlier. I tend to like movies like this as it brings out better conversation after the movie.

As the movie didn't start until 8pm, we went outside again and he bought us vanilla lattes. We sat outside of Starbucks, and he insisted I "enjoy" a smoke with him. We talked some more and then noticed it was after 8pm after more conversation. We rushed up to the theater and he instantly was surprised and excited about the lazyboy seating! He was so happy about the whole theater, a perfect reaction to make the movie great. Once we settled in, he put his hand on my thigh, while I had my forearm wrapped around his arm. Throughout the movie he kept rubbing my leg with his strong hand. It felt right. Comfortable and just....right. No making out, a few kisses here and there, but just the right attention to resolve the anti-social part of sitting in a dark theater for two hours.

When the movie was over, we walked back to the truck, strolling down the Granville Entertainment Zone, as I pointed out the clubs and bars lined up down Granville Street, describing the drunken chaos it is on the weekend. When we got to my work, we wandered through the restaurant, and both had a smoke out back. Then he kissed me again and held me in his arms for a very longtime. I told him he was like a big teddy bear, and he asked if that was good...I said YES!!!! He drove me home, and we parked in the driveway. Then we kissed for quite awhile. He is a perfect gentleman, and a wonderful kisser. Wow, when I finally hopped out of his truck, I was all mushy and giddy inside, smiling from ear-to-ear.

So, a movie IS a great choice for a 3rd date, especially if it is with a guy like Ray.